Ten Things Men Secretly Want From Women

Zoe Saldana

by Joshua on September 20, 2011

The Daily Garriga classic!

Let’s face it, it isn’t always easy for guys to express our emotions. We can be hard to read and even elusive when we want to be. As such,women do not always get the benefit of hearing directly from their man exactly what it is that he wants. So, to help all you ladies out, I have compiled a list of ten things men want from women, but don’t always feel comfortable asking for.

Ten things men secretly want from the woman they love:

1. To be respected!
Every man wants to be respected more than anything else. Whereas women thrive on being loved, men thrive on being respected. There is nothing worse to a man than having his judgement and abilities questioned. This doesn’t mean you can’t lovingly give your man feedback on how to be a better boyfriend/husband or even on how to be a better person. It’s just that you shouldn’t do it in a way that demeans or makes him feel inadequate. Criticism should always be of a constructive nature and should happen in private. Never criticize or put down your man in public. It will only make him feel disrespected and leave him feeling bitter and wounded.

You should: Let your man know how much you respect, appreciate, and admire him. Lavishing your man with compliments about what a “man” he is can do wonders for your relationship. Sure it’s an ego thing, but it isn’t much different than when your man showers you with compliments on how beautiful you look.

2. To be flirted with!
Men love playful banter with women. We love the individual attention, the animated and lighthearted back-and-forth, and especially the feeling that comes with making women smile. It was the initial flirting that first drew your man’s interest in you. Yet at some point in a relationship, we stop flirting with each other and focus our flirting powers on other people. There is nothing that drives a man crazy more than seeing his significant other openly flirting with another man even as he is deprived of the very thing he craves. I’m sure women feel the same way when they notice their man flirting with some other woman. Flirting (and the lack thereof) is a powerful enough force to damage an otherwise perfectly healthy relationship.

You should: Flirt with your man often – especially in public – and avoid flirting with other men while in the presence of your man. It’s probably wise not to flirt at all with other men; just ask yourself if you would be comfortable with his flirting with other women.

3. To be desired!
Yes, ladies, we know you love to feel sexy and desired! The truth is that men love to feel that way too. We may not admit it, but we want to be complimented on our appearance and feel like our woman is physically attracted to us. I love when a girlfriend goes into pursuer mode and chases after me. No man wants to feel like his woman is doing him a favor by sleeping with him. If your man doesn’t feel like you’re excited by his physical appearance, you are essentially chipping away at his confidence, making him feel rejected, and ultimately leaving him extremely vulnerable to the advances of another woman.

You should: Initiate intimate moments, tell him how attracted you are to him, and make him feel desirable. Then you can sit back and watch as your sex life takes off.

4. To be an insider!
Ladies, men may lust after women they desire, but they fall in love with women they feel connected to. It is important to develop a genuine friendship with your man. The best way to do this is to let him in on your secrets. It can be frustrating for men when we suspect you only share your intimate secrets, thoughts, desires, and feelings with your girlfriends, while saving your angry venting for us. We may project an image of disinterest in many of the mundane events in your life, but the truth is we want to feel like an insider. We want to feel like your best friend. Now don’t get it twisted and assume I mean you should bombard your man with a full account of everything that happened in your day. That’s not what I mean at all. I’m saying that you should develop a special friendship with your man by regularly engaging him in “deep” conversation. It can be tough for men to talk to other men about our feelings; we need a woman to talk to.

You should: Engage your man in enjoyable conversations where you talk about personal thoughts and feelings. Persuade him to share his thoughts and feelings with you.

5. To feel like a comedian!
If there is one thing that women understand when they are single and seem to forget when they are in a relationship, it is that men love when you laugh at our jokes. I’m not sure why men love to feel like comedians, since most of us aren’t all that funny, but the reality is we love to tell jokes. It’s a real downer when we try to impress our woman with our sense of humor only to fall flat on our face. Ladies, happy relationships are the exclusive domain of happy people. And happy people are able to make others laugh.

You should: Humor your man and laugh at his jokes, even if he isn’t that funny. It makes him feel good and doesn’t cost you anything.

6. To get fashion advice!
Most men don’t care about fashion the way women do. That doesn’t mean we don’t want to look good. Men feel good about our appearance when women tell us we look good. We may be reluctant to ask for your advice on what to wear – we may not even think to ask for your advice – but we really do need your input. A girlfriend once helped me pick out a new shirt for a job interview and then gushed about how great I looked in the shirt. Needless to say, I went into the interview feeling my best.

You should: Be proactive and help your man choose his outfit as he gets dressed – just not in a condescending or demeaning way. You can even help influence his wardrobe by buying him stylish clothes from time to time. The best way to influence your man’s style is to compliment him and tell him how great he would look in the new shirt you bought him.

7. To be with a feminine woman!
Men are attracted to your most feminine characteristics. Your femininity makes us feel masculine. It’s probably not a great idea to spend a lot of time burping, farting, and cursing in front of your man. Men aren’t attracted to our homies – we are attracted to feminine women. Most men need to regularly experience a woman’s graceful, tender, sensitive, vulnerable, nurturing, tactful, and positive spirit. We know what femininity means to us and why it matters. We are never satisfied by women who think they can keep our attention by wearing sexy clothes, spending a lot of time in the mirror, and acting ditzy. That is fake femininity. We see right through it and it bores us quickly.

You should: Let your guard down and be as feminine as you want to be when around your man. His love for you will grow as he gets a heavy dose of your gentle and loving spirit.

8. To be with a strong woman!
Just because you are feminine doesn’t mean you aren’t strong. Being strong doesn’t mean you are loud, brash, pushy, arrogant, or abrasive. It means you are independent enough to live a great life on your own, but smart enough to realize that your man makes your great life even better. Men want a strong woman who will help guide our relationship and provide structure in our life. We don’twant to feel like we’re trying to figure things out on our own.

You should: Support your man with his goals, hold him accountable for his actions, and help him grow to be the man you know he is capable of becoming. A woman’s strength is the bedrock of any strong relationship.

9. To have quiet time!
Men have a primal need to spend time in our man cave and get away from the world. Sure this can be frustrating for women, but it will be much more frustrating when your relationship is under stress because your man missed a needed retreat to his man cave. It can be disastrous when a man spends too much time away from the man cave and starts to lose his male equilibrium. This inevitably leads to arguments and petty bickering.

You should: Give your man space when he seems to be withdrawing. You may even want to regularly plan fun dates with your girlfriends so that your man has more time to himself. Just be mindful of the activities you plan – he probably won’t feel great about your plan to give him space when you’re at a club or a bar.

10. To get a healthy dose of all five love languages!
While each of us may favor one of the five primary love languages – words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch – we still need enough of each in order to feel truly fulfilled. These love languages are like food groups. While we may need more of one than the others, to deprive us of any of the food groups will cause a nutritional imbalance and lead to serious health problems. Your man may be uncomfortable telling you he is missing out on one or more of the primary love languages, but if you pay close enough attention, it will become apparent that he’s been missing something.

You should: Take the 5 Love Languages quiz with your man so that you know each other’s primary and secondary languages. Focus on these languages, but be sure to sprinkle in enough of the others to keep him happy.

I realize that this is a long laundry list of things your man needs to be his happiest. It may even seem overwhelming at first glace. However, if you take a second look, you will realize that many of these things are common sense and you probably already knew them. This list can be a powerful tool in your relationship if you refer to it frequently as a reminder of some of the things your man wants from you but doesn’t always tell you. Don’t settle for a good relationship when you can have a great relationship!

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

RudeBoy July 29, 2012 at 7:59 pm

http://www.whatmenreallywantreview.com is a great website that gives tips on simular topics. Also a great review of an awsome book that is well recommended.

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lisa November 8, 2012 at 1:01 am

great job Joshua!!!
This is perfect!

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mark a field January 5, 2013 at 6:07 pm

Excellent, thoughtful and well written comments on a subject that is usually mucked over by over educated “experts”on the internet and in print blowing smoke up our collective asses. Men just want to know that they are loved.
Watch out for the “style” advice from women though…they have a tendency to be too “matchy” and trendy.
Recently went to a wedding and I could pick out the men who were dressed by their women including the groom and groomsmen. (But that’s OK because it’s her day) Good God, these guys looked like the equivalent of 1st graders in GarAnimals. I had no idea one could find a man’s belt to match a tie and socks!
Men’s clothes have rules. Best to look at the great “dressers” of our time….David Beckam, Will i Am, and Clooney.

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Lucy January 13, 2013 at 7:58 pm

I am 50 and still click on these links promising to tell me something of value regarding Things Men Secretly Want From Women. The information given is always disconnected from my soul and does not expect or demand reflection. As a norm these types of articles are: stupid, nauseating, or revolting. This article or yours, Mr. Garriga, is however, the only article that has impressed me. I will print it and read it again and again. Thanks for being deep and thoughtful.

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Joshua January 16, 2013 at 6:54 am

Lucy, thank you very much for your kind words. You made my day!

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Rosalie February 20, 2013 at 1:31 pm

What a substantively informative and well-written article. Thank you for the best advice I’ve ever read on understanding men. I’m only sorry I didn’t find your article before I spent all kinds of $ on ebooks penned by snake oil salesmen.

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Joshua February 20, 2013 at 9:04 pm

Thank you Rosalie! I’m glad I could be helpful.

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Lynnae McClelland March 11, 2013 at 12:42 am

Seems pretty reasonable to me. I really like the five love language advice. That’s awesome!!

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Brenna May 12, 2013 at 7:18 am

Joshua, what a wonderful article and priceless bit of wisdom you have written! I am a marriage and family therapist, as well as an English composition tutor. The needs shared (usually indirectly) by men in marital therapy sessions match your list perfectly. I especially appreciate the practical applications and nutritional balance of the love languages that you provide. Not only does your information help women understand their men (and hopefully avoid my office altogether in many cases), but it empowers other men to confirm aloud what you have already put “out there” for all to see. On a personal level, after several years of marriage, we wives can easily slip into the habit of focusing on some needs and overlooking others; your list reminds me to spread my energy in my own marriage of 20 years. Your writing style is also a rare pleasure to read — thank you!

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qa February 27, 2014 at 9:40 pm

This was helpful. Thank you. Can you give advice to on when husbands are checking out other woman please

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Ernest March 6, 2014 at 1:02 pm

Amen…Many Woman Point Finger At Men For AlL Problems, But We Have Things We Desire And Need From Our Mate Also. No If You Could Come Up With Tags To Add To Facebook, That Be Great.

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